


thunder

by kkanji



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Best Friends, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, Mutual Pining, Teenage Drama, except theyre in their twenties, tagging this is giving me anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-06-16 15:06:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15439734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kkanji/pseuds/kkanji
Summary: crushing on your best friend is all fun and games until you both get drunk and something very stupid happens, and your other best friend is there to witness it.





	1. reunion

**Author's Note:**

> this is very self indulgent. the story line took a lot of weird twists in my mind before it ended up in this form.  
> idk what else to say other than i love donghyuck lol  
> thanks for reading <3

Haechan's hands were shaking. He wasn't sure why. Perhaps because of the alcohol in his system, or the loud bass coming from the speakers surrounding the room, or the fact that he'd just seen his girlfriend in the lap of some random guy.

For some reason, he wasn't all that surprised. He should've seen this coming a long time ago. After all, he often took her with him whenever he hung out with his friends, and just as often, she'd forget all about him just to talk to them, to laugh at their jokes, to cuddle up to them - and not him.

So he had no reason to be angry, did he? He had it coming. He should've known better. He should've listened to what Mark had said to him when he began dating her.

"She'll break your heart, man. Don't say I didn't warn you."

Well, he had to give it to Mark. Haechan could feel his heart breaking, little by little, in its own bubble of silence amid the chaos of the party.

Ah, so that's what it feels like.

He turned slowly, on the balls of his feet, tearing his eyes away from that God forsaken image. He didn't even have the energy to walk over there and tear her off of him or cause a scene. Nah, it wasn't worth it. So he just stepped away instead, drink in hand, the pink, sweet-smelling liquid inside appealing to him more than before.

He chugged it all, no hesitation. It seemed like he would need more. So he went to the kitchen, walking right past the couch where his girlfriend was grinding up to that same guy. Were they making out? Probably. He couldn't tell.

Haechan didn't care. He couldn't care. Not anymore.

 

-

 

"Hyuckie!"

Haechan was halfway up the stairs when someone called his name. He turned around, searching for the person through the semi-darkness of the frat house. His heart twisted uncomfortably when his eyes met those of his friend's.

[y/n].

The one he'd called a deskmate all throughout middle school and high school, the childhood friend he wouldn't have ever thought he'd keep by his side. Her and Mark were the only people to whom he could open up completely, without having to worry about being judged or looked down upon. Coincidentally, they were at the same party tonight, despite [y/n] having an exam the next day. She had come because he'd asked her to.

But now, even she couldn't help him. He could barely speak. His throat burned like Hell and he wasn't seeing straight.

She looked so happy, though - and a little drunk -, clambering up the stairs and reaching for his arm. He let her grab on, leaning forward to support her as she suddenly tipped back, almost losing her balance.

"Where are you going, Hyuck?" she practically shouted to him. His ears were just as messed up as hers, to be honest, but he still cringed a little bit at the volume of her voice.

"Upstairs, obviously."

"But the party is downstairs, silly!"

How was he supposed to tell her that the last thing he wanted to do was go back there?

"I know. I just need a break."

[y/n] stared at him, visibly confused. He knew she could easily see right through him, but maybe not when she was drunk... right?

"Something's wrong."

Well, fuck me sideways.

"I'm... constipated."

"Hyuck," she put her left hand on the railing, staring up at him fixedly. "You took a shit before we came here. You are not fooling me."

"Oh my GOD, [y/n]. Also, stop calling me that."

"Not until you tell me what's wrong."

Haechan gently shook her off, taking a backwards step up the stairs. She took a step, too, and another when he continued to advance, until they were both on the same level, upstairs, in the dark hallway. They probably weren't alone. Maybe there was a couple making out in there somewhere.

Maybe his girlfriend counted among them.

A tiny bitter laugh slipped past his lips at the thought. [y/n] raised her eyebrows.

"Yo, how drunk are you?"

"Um," Haechan hummed, glancing into his fifth (sixth?) cup of the night. "I dunno. Not drunk enough, clearly."

"Hey, stop."

His friend seemed to have sobered up a little bit, snatching the cup from his hand. He pouted, but didn't protest, pressing his back to the wall. His head swam. It felt good. It felt better than thinking about his girlfriend, at least. Ah, shit. He thought of her just now.

"Earth to Donghyuck," the girl said, waving her hand in front of his face. "What's going on with you?"

"Oh, well, you see-"

Haechan hadn't even noticed that there, on the wall beside him, was a door. Which happened to open right as he opened his own mouth to speak. And of course, because he harbored the same amount of luck as a soggy, rotten sock, the first person to come out of the room was his girlfriend. Behind her trailed some lanky dude he might've seen around campus before, but right now - he really couldn't recall. He was taller than him by a few inches, and probably more handsome. After all, why else would his girlfriend cheat on him with this creature?

On cue, the chemical calmness within him seemed to break apart. He detached himself from the wall under the horrified gaze of his girlfriend, and the confused one of [y/n]. The unknown dude just stared down at him, bemused.

"Wow," Haechan muttered, feeling the blood in his veins go way past the boiling point. "Fuck you."

The now-indignant dude prepared to respond, but he didn't get the chance to. Because before he could mutter a word, Haechan's fist shushed him right back up.

All the while, there was only one thought running through Haechan's idiot brain:

_How the Hell has my life come down to this?_

 

 

-

 

 

“Bro, that’s wack.”

Haechan proudly put down his notebook, his smug smile rivaling even the brightness of the sun. His friends who were sat at the table just stared at him incredulously, Mark having been the one to break the silence.

“I know, right? And I got an A on this.”

“Since when do you dispose of such a vast vocabulary?” Mark mocked from across him, knocking his foot under the table. Haechan stuck his tongue out in response.

“And why am I drunk in this?” [y/n] complained, snatching the notebook and letting her eyes scan over the paragraphs. “What if your creative writing prof will actually believe that I’m an irresponsible young adult?”

“Trust me, she doesn’t even know who you are.”

“Okay, rude.”

“Also, I’m jealous. Why is [y/n] such a prominent character while you barely even mention me?” Mark complained through a mouthful of his sandwich. “Like, biased much?”

“Mark, don’t make me get up and choke you.”

Haechan snorted at [y/n]’s warning. At least he’d managed to portray her attitude perfectly through his essay. It was a special sight to see.

“Really though. How old is your teacher?” [y/n] took a sip of her chocolate milkshake, leaning her head into her palm as she stared at the boy sat beside her. “The theme isn’t too orthodox. And you literally threw a poop joke in there.”

“She’s like 25, or older, I dunno.” Haechan scratched the back of his head thoughtfully. “I mean, does it matter? She told us to write an essay based on a keyword. _Heartbreak_. So I did just that. Whether the language is PG-13 or not is none of my business.”

"It literally is your business. You wrote the essay."

"Please stop harassing me."

Mark smiled a bit at the others' bickering. “Well, I’m glad that I was the voice of reason in your essay. Even if you shamelessly ignored me. As per usual.”

“Besides all of that,” Haechan said with an exasperated sigh, “did you like it?”

“Pretty good, if not a little unrealistic. Everyone here knows that the idea of you actually getting a girlfriend is completely out of line.”

Haechan stared straight at Mark and pondered whether he should deck him in the face or not. After a three second long inner debate, he decided against it.

“...Hey, fuck you.”

“No thanks.”

As much as he hated to admit it, Mark was right. Haechan was one of the funniest people on campus, if not THE funniest junior around, but his luck with girls seemed to be nonexistent. Every time he tried to get to know one better, somehow it always ended up crashing and burning because of stupid baseless misunderstandings.

At some point, he just stopped trying. He could live without romance. There was more to life than moping over some girl and trying to gain her interest. Haechan was glad that he at least had his friends.

But even they had started drifting apart as of late. Unlike him, Mark had a definite and irrefutable advantage - a girlfriend. He was involved in a shit ton of projects, being the ultimate teacher’s pet, even if his grades could definitely use some polishing. People just seemed to love him for his natural charm and wittiness. (In reality, he was the biggest idiot known to man. Haechan could vouch for that.)

[y/n] also found herself caught up in projects often, even more so now that she landed a job as an editor for a fashion magazine. Moments like these, when they could just hang out together in between classes, had become few and far between. It kind of saddened Haechan, whose life wasn’t nowhere near as crazy interesting as his friends’.

Sure, he had stuff to do, too, namely a dull part-time job at the campus library. More often than not, during the five (apparently) short hours he had to be there, he would get bored to the brink of death. Though he liked to read, sometimes even that became too tiring.

Not to mention the perpetual silence of that place. Haechan wasn't the kind of person who enjoyed talking in a hushed voice, nor did he like choking on clouds of dust caused by the ancient tomes pulled from their shelves. But that's just how things have to be sometimes in this life!

So, in order to avoid actually dying of boredom, he came up with a strategy. Whenever nobody in particular needed his assistance, he would pull out his laptop and start up his mixing apps. Why not spend that time by doing something that he actually liked - music.

He promised himself that the moment he could afford to do so, he would leave that shithole and try his hand (or rather, voice) at various music labels spread across the city. Seoul was the core of entertainment industries in South Korea; surely one of them would be willing to take him in.

He’d already built a decent following on SoundCloud, both thanks to his covers and his original tracks. Many told him that he had a unique voice, one they could ‘listen to for hours’. To spice things up even more, he knew how to play the piano, as well. Sadly though, his two closest friends were the only ones who’ve seen him play live so far.

Not for long, though. He had a good feeling, right in the pit of his stomach. Something was gonna happen in the near future and turn his life around - for the better.

But until then, he had some classes yet to pass.

“I liked it,” [y/n] said, nibbling on her straw. “You’ve got a nice writing style. Your humor really shines through.”

“Thanks. I try.”

The girl stared at him fondly for a few moments before she focused on her drink again. Haechan’s smile faltered, a strange tension taking place in his chest. He slowly began to regret the fact that he'd pretty much opened up about his feelings towards his friends through his essay - and towards [y/n] in particular.

They’d always been on thin ice. Never quite knowing what the hell was going on between them, never quite deciding whether they liked each other or not. He had an affinity for her, that’s for sure - I mean, who wouldn’t? The girl was a mess.

A good kind of mess, though. Always all over the place but organized at the same time; always with her head in the clouds but her feet planted firmly on the ground. She never hesitated to laugh at his jokes (no matter how terrible they may have been), and knew what to say whenever he felt down in the dumps.

But she’d made it clear through her actions, multiple times before, that they were nothing more than friends. He respected that, of course, because that was more important than losing her over some stupid teenager feelings which would pass one day. Right?

Still, he cared about her. No matter how many guys she’d crushed over, or if she had a new boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever, he still cared about her. Haechan felt happy whenever she was happy. Even so, his hands would go numb whenever he'd see her kiss someone else. Those same hands were the ones who comforted her when she was left by the people who told her they'd loved her.

How could you blame him for wanting to take care of her?

That crush he (sort of) had on her, came and went like the weather. One night, when Haechan returned to his and Mark’s shared flat, drunk off his face, he decided to ask for some masculine insight on the matter. He asked whether or not he should kick himself for liking his (other) best friend a little more than he was supposed to.

Mark had looked up from his laptop nonchalantly, taking in Haechan’s ragged appearance. There was a certain something in his eyes, something that told Haechan that maybe he shouldn't have asked that, given the... circumstances.

Mark ran a hand through his hair before declaring,

“Nah, it’s alright. I used liked her too. I mean, have you seen that ass?”

_Well, thanks, Mark, the resident DudeBro._

“But I got over it pretty quickly. Because I realized I was just being hormonal.

“Plus,” he’d stated, shutting his laptop and staring Haechan straight in the eye. “We’re all friends, right? I didn’t want to ruin that. So I got over it.”

_Fuck._

Haechan had a moment where he spaced out, traveling through a wormhole in his mind while casually leaning against the wall. Damn, Mark was right. He was being selfish and very, very stupid. Having feelings for [y/n] would ruin everything they had built over all those years of being friends. It was necessary for him to stop himself before things got out of hand.

And yet, here he was. His heart fluttering after [y/n] complimented his work, after she looked at him for a bit longer than usual. The poor guy felt as if he was being gutted alive.

"Anyway," Mark said, breaking the momentary silence. "I gotta go. I promised Jeno I'd study with him for the math final."

"Why are you like this?"

"Well I'm sorry, [y/n], some of us prefer to cram the day before exams. We can't all be model students like you."

"Fuck off. You always get top grades. How do you do it?"

Mark shrugged his shoulders with a cocky side-smile. "Dunno. Just my luck!"

[y/n] looked like she was about to snap at him, but didn't. "Okay, go on then. See ya later."

"Bye, Mark," Haechan said, reaching out to bump fists with him. Then he settled back down onto the cushion, looking around the mostly empty cafe. The sun was setting, and it was Friday, so most people were either out in the city or partying.

Now, he was left alone with [y/n]. She continued to toy with her straw, swirling it around the now empty glass cup. Haechan felt like tearing his eyes out of his skull with his bare hands.

"How's work going?" [y/n] asked suddenly, fixing Haechan with her gaze.

"As boring and dusty as always. However," he stressed the word purposefully, making the girl tilt her head forward in curiosity. "I'm almost done with the songs I want to bring to the upcoming auditions."

"Really?!" Her eyes widened, an excited glimmer sparking within them. "Yo, that's great news. When are you gonna show me?"

"Well... Once it's finished. I don't want to make you listen to scraps."

"I respect that. But I also expect to be the first person who hears your songs."

His lips curled into a shy smile. He had a tendency of feeling self conscious about his music, no matter how hard he might've worked on the tracks. But [y/n] always made a point of assuring him that she'd never judge his creations, in the same way he never judged her poetry or stories.

Ugh, God. More stupid thoughts flooded his head now, and the last thing he wanted to do was zone out when she was sitting next to him. "What about you? What's it like being a twenty year old with a real job?"

[y/n] cackled a bit, reaching up to tuck away a strand of hair that had slipped into her face. "Stressful at times, but very rewarding. My heart just kinda swells with pride whenever I see my name printed inside of Seoul's biggest fashion magazine." She tapped the straw against the bottom of the cup thoughtfully. "Soon, I think they'll let me write my own articles."

"What?! For real?"

"Yup. Boss really likes what I have to say, I think."

"I'm so proud of you, [y/n]. Look at you. Being all grown up and shit."

"Hyuck, it's not like I keep you updated on everything anyway. You're acting as if we haven't seen each other in months."

"A lot can happen in two weeks."

"True." She sighed, moving her gaze from him towards the window. "Funny how we go to the same college and live in the same campus but rarely see each other."

You don't say. It's not like he thinks about her on the daily. Wishing she'd show up from around the corner and assault him with hugs.

"Well, we're here now. Plus, the year's almost over. Then we'll have the whole summer to our disposal."

"Work exists, Donghyuck."

"Please stop calling me that."

"No."

"Ok."

She grinned at him and at how easily he'd given up. He scrunched his nose in return, her hand shooting up and pinching at his cheek. Haechan let out a tiny growl and swatted her hand away, which only prompted her to viciously attack his sides with tickles.

Damn, he'd missed this. He couldn't really play around with Mark, because their 'little' fights would often end with bruises and scratches. They both tried not to laugh and disrupt the silence of the coffee shop, but that was kind of a difficult task. Especially after Haechan knocked his knee against the table and nearly spilled his cup of coffee all over the place.

"Okay, now that's something we're NOT gonna do," [y/n] declared after a breathless pause. Haechan reeled forward, holding at his knee pathetically. "Shit, are you alright?"

"I've been through worse," he muttered through clenched teeth, before exhaling deeply. "Yes. I'm good."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Why are you apologizing?"

"Well, I tickled you, so it's my fault."

"Oh, shut up."

[y/n] pouted, and Haechan pouted right back, making her burst into a fit of giggles. Her gaze then drifted to the watch strapped to her wrist, her smile faltering immediately. Haechan paused, wondering if now, he'd done something wrong.

"Huh, it's seven."

"...Yeah."

"I should get home. I still have to study for Monday's exam, and also finish editing an article..."

"You have the whole weekend at your disposal," Haechan countered. "Can't you stay for a little longer?"

"Mmm... I feel bad, though."

He rolled his eyes, and took a hold of her wrist. "How about this - listen, I have a plan."

"Enlighten me."

"Mark won't be home until later-"

"Okay, I already don't like where this is going."

"Don't be fucking stupid," Haechan bit, avoiding her dirty smirk and wiggling eyebrows. "So, Mark won't be home for a while. You can come over. We can study for - what is it you're taking an exam for?"

"Sociology."

"Sociology it is. We can study for that. Then we'll watch a movie. Or I'll let you listen to a track or two. Then I'll take you home." He tilted his head, willing himself to look her in her eyes. They were bright with happiness, either caused by his proposal or his newfound awkwardness. Anyway, she looked happy, and that was a good sign.

"So, how's that sound?"

[y/n] paused for a few moments, and Haechan tried to ignore the contact between them that HE'D (!) initiated. It only got worse when she slipped out of his grip, and intertwined her fingers with his instead. Now he knew that his ears would turn beet red. Fuck, he doesn't like her in _that_ way, STOP RIGHT THERE.

"You're lucky I have my Sociology notebook with me."

Haechan let out a deep breath. "I'ma take that as a yes."

"It IS a yes, dumbass."

They laughed at each other for a while, before they got up and left the cafe, hand in hand still.

Yeah, Haechan made sure to thank himself for his quick thinking later. Tonight, at least, things seemed to be going great for him.

And there was plenty of room for them to be getting even better.


	2. remembrance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> memories resurface, and haechan has a hard time keeping his composure.

 

 

At some point, [y/n]'s hand slipped from his as she reached into her bag to pluck out her phone. It was ringing, a tacky song he'd heard on the radio before, something that didn’t quite match her. He made his opinion on her choice of a ringtone clear by grimacing in the most obvious way possible.

She noticed his expression while responding, her eyes rolling in amusement. Haechan then shoved his hands in his pockets, holding back a smile.

"Hello?”  Pause. “Yeah, I'll be a while tonight. No, don't wait for me. Don't worry. I'm with Donghyuck-“ Another pause. “Yeah. Okay. Bye."

"Your roommate?" Haechan asked casually once she returned the phone to its original place. [y/n] nodded.

"Mhm. I promised her we'd hang out after studying, but, that can wait."

Haechan felt his chest warm up a bit. So she’d given up her study date just to study with him instead. I mean, why wouldn't she? They hadn't seen each other in a while. She could see her roommate whenever she wanted.

"Ah, okay."

Haechan looked up at the sky. It was getting darker, fast. Clouds had gathered over the horizon, mean looking things that would clearly bring plenty of rain along. He scrunched his nose. Rain meant frizzy hair and chilly, lonely mornings. Not much fun.

"Looks like it's going to rain," [y/n] stated, a bit absently. He agreed with a hum. At least they were getting closer to the dorms now, but the clouds were drifting closer to them, too. The 'little bit of a breeze' from earlier had begun to pick up, ruffling [y/n]'s hair which shifted from around her shoulders, almost looking as if it was floating behind her, like some sort of a sentient being.

"Ugh, it's getting cold. Do you have an umbrella?" she asked, huddling nearer to him.

"Yeah, lemme just pull it out of my ass."

"Fuck you."

Haechan snorted, winding his arm around her shoulders and pulling her to him. She wasn’t much shorter (not that he was particularly tall, himself), but he still had the advantage of a few inches over her. [y/n] clung to him in return, her arm around his waist as they sped up the pace, half-running towards the campus now.

But it was too late. A bolt of lightning suddenly ripped across the sky, followed by the sound of crashing thunder. [y/n] yelped; Haechan flinched a little bit, himself.

“This wasn’t part of the plan.”

“Oh, really?”

Less than a moment later, it seemed as if the sky had decided to burst open right upon them. Rain poured down from above, a few drops turning into a straight waterfall, pelting the pavement and the two innocent passerby’s.

"Noo! My hair!"

"Come on!"

Haechan leaned forward, and immediately picked up his pace, forcing [y/n] to stumble along in her attempt to keep up. So they ran for it, cutting through the curtain formed by the rain, their feet splashing water everywhere as they bolted through the puddles.

It was kind of funny, Haechan thought to himself. He couldn't stop grinning, baring his teeth against the challenge posed by the weather. He felt happy, the new rush of excitement in his chest only growing the more soaked he got. His shirt stuck to his skin, and his pants felt as if they'd been dipped in glue, but, in all honesty? He'd never felt better.

Their saving grace soon showed up before them. [y/n] clung to him, sighing in relief once they found shelter under the sunroof still spread out over the entrance of the dorm. In only five minutes, they went from dry to soaking wet. The sound of a disgraceful squelch made them cringe once they detached from one another.

"Why the fuck are you smiling so much?" [y/n] asked, wringing out her hair. A new puddle promptly formed at her feet, the water pouring down in a disintegrated cascade. Haechan moved his fringe out of his eyes, holding the door open for her.

"Sorry, can't help it. It's kinda funny."

"Well... I've experienced better jokes."

It was cool and dark inside of the lobby, as it usually was. Most of the students who lived in this dorm building kept to themselves, not hanging out of their rooms after hours. There were wet footsteps still imprinted in the gray worn out carpet, showing that they weren't the only jackasses who'd gotten caught in the storm.

Coming home felt like a relief to Haechan, at least for the first ten seconds, until he remembered the mess he and Mark had left behind. But then, he realized it was [y/n] who was with him, so there was no need for him to panic. She'd seen about all that there was to be seen in a friendship with two teenage boys.

He turned on the light in the hallway, taking off his shoes and dumping the water that had gathered inside into the trash can. [y/n] did the same after removing her jacket and flats.

"Why I decided that today was a good day to wear flats, I don't know. But hey. At least I now have an excuse to buy new shoes."

Haechan rubbed at his eyes for a while before responding. "That's a terrible philosophy and I'm sorry for you."

"How about you eat my entire ass."

"I mean-"

"Stop right there."

"Ok."

There was a pause in which they stared at each other intently, in all of their dripping glory. Then they burst into laughter, both at the exchange and at the stupidity of the situation. Haechan had missed this, he thought, the sound of her hyena laughter, which made her seem as if she was both crying and being choked to death. A pure melody to his ears.

 

"I'm sorry," she finally wheezed, doubled over and wiping at her eyes. "Can I please take a shower?" 

"Huh, a naked human female in my household? I think not."

"Lee Donghyuck."

"Ok."

[y/n] nodded at his tiny response. "Can I borrow one of your shirts?"

"Yeah, sure."

He rushed to his room, picking the most inconspicuous shirt he could lay his hands upon; a black shirt with a faded Star Wars illustration printed on it. He went back and carefully hung it on the handle of the now closed door.

 

Meanwhile, he decided to get busy by tidying a bit around the living room. Haechan picked up a pair of dirty underwear (belonging to Mark) and a crumpled up house shirt with very obvious armpit stains (also belonging to Mark). He promptly threw them in the laundry basket next to the bathroom door, and proceeded to gather the empty bags of chips and cans of Mountain Dew strewn across the couch and coffee table. He wondered just how the Hell they were almost twenty one, when they were very much acting as if they were of the opposite age, aka twelve. 

While he stuffed the garbage into the bin situated under the kitchen sink, he heard the bathroom handle click.

"Uh, Hyuck?"

"What?"

"I don't have any pants to change in."

"...And that's a problem?"

"You slimy motherfucker, give me a pair of pants before I come out and-"

"Jesus, relax."

With a dumb grin on his face, he went over to his room and grabbed a pair of black cotton shorts he often wore when lounging around the dorm. Haechan decided to keep the gray sweatpants for himself along with a plain white shirt, after he too would take a much needed shower. He carried them with him as he returned to his disgruntled friend.

[y/n] had her head stuck out the door, glaring daggers at Haechan's amused expression.

"Here ya go."

"Finally."

She stuck her tongue out at him and he flashed her the middle finger before she closed the door in his face. A few moments later she emerged and, for whatever reason, Haechan's heart fluttered a little bit.

It was kind of endearing seeing her in his clothes, and the sight never ceased to take him by surprise, even if she'd borrowed his shirts (and Mark's) before. Perks of being best friends with a guy, he guessed. Still, she looked so good, all relaxed and fresh out of the shower, her hair wet and smelling like his shampoo. (Not that he smelled it, but the steam carried the scent with it- you know what, forget it.)

"Why are you staring at me?"

"Because you're blocking the path."

"Hm."

[y/n] stood her ground, a bit taller than him now, staring down at him with both hands on the door frame. He crossed his arms, tilting his head to the side.

"[y/n]."

"What's the password?"

"Oh my God."

"Say the password."

"I don't know... Please?"

"Incorrect."

Haechan pinched the bridge of his nose in mild frustration. "Come on, if you don't let me in I'm going to catch a cold in these wet ass clothes and then I'm gonna die."

"From a cold?"

"A cold which can evolve into hypothermia-"

"Ugh," she let out, finally stepping down from the doorway and brushing past him. "Go then, weakling."

"Why, thank you for letting me take a shower in my OWN HOME."

"Eat my ASS."

"NO."

Haechan sighed as the warm water finally washed over him, a much needed change of pace compared to the rest of the day. Still, he couldn't idle for long. After scrubbing himself down and pulling on the clean clothes he'd brought in, he quickly dried off his hair with a towel and left the bathroom.

[y/n] was sat on the couch, cross-legged, her sociology textbook opened in her lap. She was leafing through it absently, making it obvious that no information was actually getting to her.

"You hungry?" Haechan questioned, plopping down next to her. She hummed, looking at him.

"A little bit. What you got?"

"Some leftover pizza from yesterday, uh, stuff for a sandwich, cereal, beer..."

"Beer isn't food."

"Depends on how much of an alcoholic you are."

"Fair."

"So? Are you interested in anything I've mentioned?"

"Yeah. The pizza."

"A fantastic choice."

"And the beer."

"Wow! Even better!"

She reached over and smacked his arm playfully, to which he gave a wheezy little laugh. Then he got up, handing her the remote before he headed to the kitchen.

"I'll be back. You can turn on the TV and search for a movie or something, if you want."

"But sociology..."

He paused in the hallway, leaning back to cast her an "are you serious?" kind of look.

"Okay, just let me revise some stuff, then I'll choose a movie!"

"Fine, fine."

Haechan went ahead and heated up the remaining three slices of pizza in the microwave, taking out two cans of beer from the fridge while he waited. They were so cold he could barely hold them in his hands. The storm continued to rage on outside, he saw through the window, the sky dark and suffocated by clouds. He felt calm, in spite of the weather. No, not calm, as much as at peace. He enjoyed storms, if he wasn't outside or by himself whenever they were taking place. The thunder freaked him out sometimes.

It all felt like a scene pulled out of some aesthetic movie. The consistent pitter-patter against the windows. The gentle hum of the microwave. The quiet murmur of the television, reaching him from the living room. The barely audible whizzing of the dying light bulb. The overwhelming presence of his long-time-best-friend-and-kinda-crush. Haechan leaned against the table, his eyes transfixed by the gloomy landscape.

 

Right. 

They hadn't been alone together in a long, long time. For some reason, this entire situation made a memory resurface, something that had happened some years ago, before they'd gotten in college. Before they'd finished high school, even. A memory he'd tried so hard to suppress.

All three of them were at a birthday party. Of course, because parties are usually the time and place where things go down. Weird shit, usually, and that party had been no different.

Mark had gotten absolutely smashed. Again, nothing surprising here. Haechan and [y/n] were standing on the side, laughing their also-drunk asses off while Mark joined a rap battle. It was summertime, so the party was taking place mostly in the birthday person's backyard. Who would've wanted to sit inside with such lovely weather going on?

Since they were in a small village out in the countryside, the sky wasn't obstructed by the classic city smog. Stars dotted the night sky like a shimmery veil, a pretty half-moon hanging among them, quiet and solemn. However, what was going on down below was anything but quiet.

"Watch this!" Mark called out, getting the attention of his rivals before he dropped into a clean split, right to the beat of his bars. The crowd burst with a deafening roar, Haechan feeling as if his soul was on the verge of leaving his body. The noise was overwhelming.

[y/n] leaned against him, laughing and pointing at Mark as he continued to throw in random yet strangely well-choreographed dancing moves. The poor guy he was up against skulked around, trying to accept his pitiful fate. Mark had the charm, the bars, the moves, the rhythm, everything many kids his age seemed to very much lack.

Haechan tried to dampen the burst of jealousy that had unexpectedly flared in his chest when [y/n] (very vocally) praised their shared best friend. He shook the feeling off, but it persisted, perhaps because of his drunkenness, which allowed all of his insecurities and otherwise-tamed feelings come to light. He held onto [y/n], as if afraid she'd run from him and tackle Mark instead.

But she didn't, thankfully. Maybe because she was too drunk to do so. It started to show after she called out something borderline mean towards the opponent, who attempted to shoot his shot at the rap battle while Mark stood aside. Haechan grabbed her shoulders when she wobbled dangerously, nearly falling into a heap at his feet.

"This ain't good," he remembered thinking to himself, steering the girl into the house, away from the smothering crowd. [y/n] stumbled along, laughing, muttering 'I'm fine, fuck off', even if she was anything BUT fine.

"Sit down," Haechan gently ushered, placing her on the cushion of the nearest armrest. "I'll get you water."

Honestly, he was in no better state than her. The image often ran from his eyes, frayed around the corners, but he had to care for her. He had to.

He pulled back, ready to head to the kitchen, but she suddenly grabbed his forearm, holding him in place. Haechan whipped around, meeting her wild gaze with his equally confused one.

 

"No. Stay."

 

"...You were telling me to fuck off seconds ago."

"I didn't mean it. Don't go."

Ugh. Did she really have to say it that way? In a way that made his stomach leap and fold in on itself? Her pleading eyes, her furrowed brows - she looked as if she truly meant it.

Fuck, they were both so, so drunk.

 

"I'll be back soon, okay? You need water."

It hurt to shake her off, her arm falling limply at her side. Haechan wanted to, like, scream. Or bite his own head off, if possible. In the meantime, though, he resorted to sprinting to the kitchen and grabbing an unopened bottle of water.

Before going back, he put a hand on the counter and let out a long wheeze, just like a man in his early eighties. Both because of the exhaustion and dizziness, and because of the thoughts furiously reeling through his mind.

 

God, he wanted to kiss her so badly.

 

It physically hurt. He knew they were just friends. Nothing more. But sometimes, the need to hold her hand became overwhelming. Or to hold her close, late at night, when he was alone in the cold bed with no company besides his old tattered teddy bear. When the loneliness and failure became too much to handle, even for him, the happiest, brightest, funniest student in the entire highschool. 

Haechan shook his head, returning to reality. He sped back to the living room, only to find [y/n] passed out in her seat, head lolling to the side and mouth hanging open. He couldn't leave her like that, though. So he squatted in front of her and patted her knee, then her cheek, then shook her awake when she didn't respond.

"Huh- what is it?"

"Here, water."

"Is it poisoned?"

"Why would it- no, dumbass. Drink."

[y/n] stared at him skeptically, before taking a big sip. Then another, followed by a happy sigh.

"That's better, huh?" Haechan said, fishing the bottle from her shaky hands.

"Oh yeah. Wait," she looked around briefly, her eyes taking in the emptiness of the room, and the constant chatter coming from outside. "Where's Mark?"

"Still out there."

"Hm."

She turned back to him, and his heart damn near stopped. Before it could, though, he took a gulp of water to wash down his feelings. [y/n] watched him quietly through tired eyes.

 

"Donghyuck."

"I told you to stop calling me that."

"Haechan is a stupid ass nickname and I HATE it."

"That's not what others think, though." 

"Well," she began, with a drunken edge to her tone. "I'on care about what others think. And neither should you."

"Wise words. But you and I know it's something humans can't help."

"I'm not human, so I dunno what you're talking about."

"So you're a furry?"

[y/n] let out a weak wail, covering her face with her hands. "Nooo!"

Haechan laughed, reaching up to her wrists and moving them away. She didn't protest, though her eyes were closed and lips pursed tightly together.

"Now's not the time to question your species, [y/n]."

She opened an eye, then the other, Haechan's smile faltering moment by moment. Only then did he realize their closeness, her face hovering oh so close to his from above, her knees pressed to his chest, body bent forward with his hands still on hers.

 

Oh no.

 

"When is it, then? If not now?" 

"When you're- um- sober?"

[y/n] let her wrists slip down, her palms making contact with his own. He wished he hadn't felt a rush of adrenaline, even at this slight action. Then her fingers curled around his, intertwining them as if it was the most natural thing in the world. 

"But I want to question things now."

"What do you want to question?" 

Their voices had dropped to a whisper. Quiet and conspiratorial, like they were sharing a secret. The noise from outside muted itself in Haechan's mind. This was the closest they'd ever gotten - might as well enjoy the moment while it lasted.

"This. What is this?"

"Um."

"A mess," she murmured, the words followed by a light chuckle. "We're a mess."

"...Sure. That's right."

"God, I'm so fuckin' drunk."

[y/n] snorted, leaning her elbows on her knees, still holding Haechan's hands.

"I wanna do something really stupid."

"Tell me about it," Haechan responded, under his breath.

"Ok, but promise you'll forget this by tomorrow morning?"

"Well..."

"Nevermind, I don't care. Can I kiss you?"

 

Haechan paused.  


What did he just hear with his own two ears?  


[y/n] stared at him worriedly, before saying, "If you don't want to, it's okay."

Shit, no. She’d really just said that. Haechan wanted to sprint through a window – but he could barely move under her gaze. [y/n] seemed ready to back away upon seeing that he’d completely frozen in his tracks, but Haechan knew he couldn’t let this moment slip through his fingers.

He freed one of his hands, placing it on her cheek and pulling her in for once. Their lips pressed together, and for a moment, everything seemed to slow down and disappear. His mind stopped working. His body, though - it had never felt more alive.

It was a bit awkward at first, both of them unused to this concept of kissing someone they knew so well, but soon enough, instinct took over, all sense of morality drowned out by the need for closeness.

[y/n] pushed him, making him stumble back, breaking the kiss. His entire life flashed before hi eyes. She stood up from the couch, a sudden sense of fear making Haechan's throat constrict painfully. Maybe he’d fucked up after all.

But then, just like in some wild fever dream, she sat down - in his lap. On the floor. Her knees on either side of his legs. Her long skirt spread out around her, the petals of a spring flower in full bloom.

She looked at him, long and quiet. His breath hitched, and he wondered what was going on through her head right then and there. Staring at him through her lashes, so innocent, so conflicted.

She pulled him in again, a hand on the back of his head and the other on his shoulders. This time, their bodies pressed flush together, and it was almost too much for his weak heart to handle. Almost.

It felt even better than he thought it would, her lips so soft, stained by the cherry liquor she liked to drink so much. They both tasted of alcohol, that was a given, but somehow, she made it seem graceful. Poets should've written about this fateful encounter, an awfully beautiful yet painful moment in their lives.

Her hair was soft under his fingers, her skin warm and enticing. He wanted to burn this memory into his brain (which he succeeded in doing), he wanted to stay like this forever. Or, at least, more often. Even if it meant for them to get drunk out of their wits to have the courage to do so.

When she sighed against his lips, a shuddered little sound, Haechan felt the need to literally abscond to the moon or something, and take her with him, of course. Fuck, she was so good for him - why couldn't they see it? Why couldn't she see it - when they were sober?

 

"Yo, Haecha- whoa, what the fuck, bro."

 

The sound of Mark's voice stopped them dead in their tracks. No. Too soon. It couldn’t just end like that, could it? But she pulled back, their faces still so close together, before she turned to look at Mark.

"Oh, hey," [y/n] said cheerfully, hands casually drifting down to Haechan's chest. "What's up?"

 

And that was the end of that.

 

It was a bit of a blur in his mind. Haechan couldn't quite remember what had happened after, except that he got stupidly angry at Mark, before it simmered down into peaceful acceptance. The same emotion he was feeling in that very moment, staring through the window at the thunderstorm raging on outside. 

They never spoke of that night again. Not the day after, nor the week or months or years after. It became a taboo topic in their friendship, so none of the three ever brought it up. But it had happened. And he remembered it - every single moment. He often wondered if she, too, remembered.

The microwave beeped loudly.

 

It was time to go back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! i was on vacation for a bit over a week, so i didn't get to post or write much. hopefully that'll change now that i'm back home. anyway, hope you're enjoying this.


	3. restlessness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the storm follows its course, perhaps taking a different direction than expected.

 

 

[y/n] was lounged on the couch by the time he returned, her legs propped on the back rest with the book (now closed) sitting on her chest. She was scrolling through the movies Netflix had to offer, but seemed uninterested towards what she saw.

When she got a whiff of the pizza, her head shot up, the book tumbling off of her and flatly onto the floor. She peeked over at Haechan who walked into the room, a plate in one hand and two beers in the other.

"Now that's a sight to see," she said brightly. He gave a little wiggle of his body with a smirk on his face, which managed to draw a laugh from her.

"Scoot over."

[y/n] did as asked, shuffling into a cross-legged position at one end of the couch. Haechan sat himself down, putting the plate of pizza on the coffee table and popping open the beers. He handed her a can, while keeping one for himself.

"Cheers, then." He looked at her, tipping his can towards her. With a meek smile, [y/n] met him halfway and clinked their cans together.

"Cheers."

 

After taking a sip, Haechan grabbed the discarded remote, continuing [y/n]’s search while she nibbled on a slice of pizza. A notification popped up on his phone's screen - a message from Mark.

Haechan inhaled slowly. Mark wouldn’t show up at home tonight. In the message, he said he would sleep over at Jeno’s and “probably get high or something”. Shocking.

Haechan looked away, a strange feeling gripping him all of a sudden. He felt as if he wasn’t really there, his body present but his mind somewhere else entirely. [y/n] chewed on her pizza, unaware of the shift in his overall energy. So, what now? Mark wasn’t going to be around. Haechan wouldn’t have to worry about their chaotic friend interrupting them.

With a hint of amusement, he wondered whether or not he’d have the courage to speak to her about the things that bothered him. Probably not. Unless he would get shitfaced, like the coward that he was. But getting shitfaced was out of the question for the time being.

 

“Oh, let’s watch Madagascar!”

He paused over the animation movie, the bright colors and funny faces of the animals giving him childhood flashbacks. The mere image of those freaky little creatures reminded him of simpler days, when he didn’t have to worry about silly things, such as the fascinating idea of holding the hand of the girl sat next to him.

 

Anyway.

 

“Sure. Haven’t we seen it before, though?”

“We probably have. Like, 6 years ago.”

“Fair enough.”

Haechan hit play and leaned back, resting his head against the cushion. [y/n] offered him the last slice of pizza after devouring two of them, which he accepted with much grace.

“Man, I used to be in love with Alex as a kid,” she commented at one point, Haechan nearly choking on his beer.

“...Why?”

“Because he’s such a hunk. I mean, have you seen that mane?”

“I can’t believe we’ve been friends for eight years and only now you’ve decided to come out as a furry.”

“Listen. You can’t deny the fact that Alex is an absolute legend.”

“I’m more of a Marty fan, myself.”

[y/n]’s jaw slacked as she prepared to say something, but didn’t, choosing to just shrug her shoulders listlessly.

“He’s cool, I guess. Can’t disagree with that.”

“...Well, if you’re into lions that much,” Haechan began, gesturing elaborately towards the screen, “I’ll take it upon myself to remind you that Mark is a Leo.”

“And?”

“That’s the closest thing we have to a lion right now.”

“Isn’t the zoo, like, an hour’s drive away from here?”

“...[y/n].”

She burst into laughter, throwing her head back and clutching at her stomach. Haechan’s lip twitched briefly. He loved to see her like this and to listen to her choked, stupid laugh.

 

After they settled down, he could barely continue focusing on the movie. Not that there was much else for him to do, but honestly, in that very moment, he would’ve much rather closed the tiny space still left between them and bundled her up in his arms. But he didn’t.

 

Well, at least, not yet. Mother Nature seemed to take a favor to him tonight.

 

The storm went on outside, sometimes faltering, only to come back even stronger, with big droplets of water crashing against the windows, accompanied by the sound of rumbling thunder. It all sounded like some ancient beast was stirring awake, all growls and scales knocking against each other.

Haechan felt himself grow more and more fidgety because of the mental image, but nothing could’ve prepared him for what came next.

There was a flash of light through the pitch blackness of the outside world. Silence followed, but it only lasted for a fraction of a moment, before an unearthly cracking pulled straight out of the ninth circle of Hell shook the entire building to its core.  
And so, commence the darkness.

 

Every single light in the apartment went out. The TV flickered and promptly died, leaving the two shaking in complete and utter darkness. The two became acutely aware of the sound of the wind, whipping at the building like it was planning to pull it out of the ground.

Both Haechan and [y/n] huddled together, yelping because of the sudden chaos. Movie forgotten, they hid their faces in their own arms, as if that would help shield them from the furious storm.

“What the heck,” Haechan whispered after a while, tilting his head up brazenly and looking around only to see... literally nothing. It was impossibly dark in there. “Let me get my phone...”

“No!” [y/n] protested, pulling him back down to her side. She curled up against him like a frightened child. “No, I’m scared. Stay here.”

“I’m not going anywhere, dumbass. My phone is right there.”

His heart fluttered at the request anyway, and he debated with himself on whether he should continue holding her or actually try to bring some light to the room.

 

“Please,” she said in a tiny voice, and that was enough to convince him to stay.

“Fine,” he grumbled, trying to mask the heat burning inside of his body with annoyance. "I'll stay here. But we'll be left in the dark."

"I- I need to lay down." [y/n]’s voice was small, contrasting her usual snappy attitude. It softened Haechan to his very core, and he gave himself a quick mental pep-talk in order to keep himself from falling for her even more.

"Right now? I'll get up then, I can bring you a blanket-"

"No. With you."

 

All of the blood drained from Haechan’s face, and he felt as if he'd gotten punched in the throat.

"What are you, twelve?" He let out after a few moments, but his voice didn't sound as confident as he'd hoped. [y/n] did not seem amused, almost shrinking back from him due to the crude reply.

 

Shit.

 

"No, hey, come here." He took her hands in his, surprised to notice the fact that they were clammy and shaking. She must’ve been a lot more scared than he’d originally thought. Gently, he laid back on the couch, pulling her with him. She crawled over him, her body settling upon his own on instinct, like a child seeking comfort.

Haechan could only hope that she couldn’t feel his heart beating so hard that it threatened to rip out of his chest. She seemed too caught up in her own thoughts to do so, though, tucking her hands under his torso and pressing her cheek to his collarbone.  
Trying not to die, he wrapped his arms around her, pretty certain that this must be what Heaven feels like.

“Relax,” he murmured, running a hand up and down her back in a soothing motion. “I got you. You’re safe.”

Slowly, but surely, she did relax, her body unwinding under his touch and sinking against him. Haechan tried his best not to wheeze like a deflating balloon, staring up at the dark ceiling, periodically illuminated by the lightning outside.

He would’ve rather been looking for a lantern or some spare candles, but he guessed that lying in the dark was fine too. Because she was there. In his arms. In the dark.

Good Lord.

 

After a while of sitting there, he felt himself dozing off, holding her tight and meekly burying his face in her hair. Perhaps she wouldn't notice. (She did.) Even if she'd used his shampoo and his body wash, she still somehow had her unique scent, her unique feeling. Haechan didn't know whether to consider himself lucky or absolutely damned, to be able to hold the one he loved so dearly, knowing that she did not feel the same.

Anyway, back to meditating it is.

Through his half-asleep state, he felt her stir, her breath briefly fanning over his neck. That was enough to make him jolt back to life and open his eyes. Less than ten minutes had passed, but for him, it had felt like an eternity.

“Donghyuck,” [y/n] murmured, and for once, he didn’t hate hearing his name coming out of someone else’s mouth.

“What?”

“...Why is your heart beating so fast all of a sudden?”

“Huh? It’s not.”

It was.

“It is.”

“No, it’s your heart that’s beating fast. Because you’re scared. Duh,” Haechan tried to counter (unconvincingly). [y/n] huffed, not buying any of it.

“I’ve calmed down.”

“Then get off of me, you prick.”

"...Fine, then."

[y/n] quite literally rolled off of him, landing on her feet with a soft thud. She quickly fixed her shirt and squinted against the darkness, before she turned to look down at the coffee table. One wouldn't have thought that less than fifteen minutes ago she'd been cowering in fear because of the storm.

Haechan rose into a sitting position, following her silhouette moving through the dark with his gaze. She bent down, picked up her phone and turned on the flash, pointing it towards the ceiling. The sudden change of lighting hurt Haechan's eyes. Then, she took a hold of his phone, turning its flash on as well.

 

"Oookay. Do you happen to have any candles around here?"

He ran a hand through his hair, mulling her question over.

"Let me check in Mark's bedroom. May I take my phone now?"

"Yeah."

 

He took his phone from her and pointed the light to the hallway. It was an eerie sight with the power out, the furniture casting strange angular shadows on the walls. To his unparalleled surprise (not), [y/n] decided to follow him over to the bedroom.

“Why does Mark have candles in here, anyway?”

“His ex was really into witchcraft.”

“...What?”

“Believe it or not." Haechan smirked a little bit to himself. "One time, she came over and insisted on 'cleansing the energies' in our dorm. She burned sage and chanted stuff while Mark and I sat straight on the couch." He opened a drawer and pulled out a half-melted black candle. "These things were our only source of light. The entire apartment smelled like an occult store for a whole week after that.”

“Jesus.”

"But," he added, turning to look at [y/n]. "It was a spiritually liberating experience. Our chakras thanked us for letting her do all that. I guess."

[y/n] gave a tiny laugh, paired with a shake of her head. "Wild."

After rummaging through the drawers in the tiny room, they managed to collect an array of candles, three big sturdy ones and a handful of tea lights. Enough to bring some light into the otherwise gloomy scene.

[y/n] didn't say much during this whole process. She seemed to be deep in thought, and Haechan preferred not to bother her with small talk.

 

“I’m sorry,” Haechan found himself saying before he could stop the words from leaving his mouth. [y/n] stared at him from across the room, confused. They were now back in the living room, both of them lighting candles and placing them on any flat surface available.

“Why?”

“Because I asked you to come hang out today.”

“Psh, just because it’s raining and the power went out? No big deal. I’ve been through worse.” She set one of the now lit black pillar candles onto the coffee table. “Plus, I’m happy to be here with you, no matter the circumstances. It’s been too long since we’ve hung out.”

Haechan swallowed hard. Yeah, it had sure been a while.

“But how are you gonna get home in this rain? It isn’t showing any signs of letting up soon.”

“Hmmm... what time is it, again?”

“A little past ten pm.”

“Damn. Well...”

[y/n] scratched at the back of her head, turning to stare out the window. A flash of light slipped through the blinds as she did so. Haechan took a deep breath, and finally put into words the thought that had taken shape in his head some time ago.

“You could always like- spend the night, if you want.”

[y/n] said nothing at first. He noticed how her gaze went slightly out of focus as she reached for another tealight, the way it would whenever she was thinking hard about something.

Haechan didn’t know what to think about that. She was kind of hard to read. Still, the fact that this was her first response to his offer, though - to be honest, it freaked him out. He can’t have been too forward... right? They'd had sleepovers before, it wasn't that big of a deal.

“Oh, hey, that's a good idea,” she proceeded to say, in the most blank and nonchalant way possible. For a second there, Haechan thought that maybe she really didn’t mind or care. But then, a flicker of suspicion came to his mind. Maybe his offer did affect her, just a tiny, tiny bit?

Well, he could hope so, at least.

“Cool. Mark messaged me earlier. He’s sleeping over at Jeno’s, so his room is free tonight. Unless you prefer the couch.”

 

“But what if I prefer your bed instead?”

Haechan nearly choked on his spit. [y/n] hadn't even missed a beat with her reply. She wasn't looking at him, busy lighting up one final candle. However, he was looking at her.

"Well," he started, shrugging his shoulders, regaining some of his composure. "Who am I to stop you?"

She laughed a bit, dusting off her hands and straightening her back. "Very nice."

They looked at each other, still from across the room. Still close, still distant.

"...So, what now?"

Haechan pinched the bridge of his nose and thought. "Well, we can study sociology, if you want."

"Absolutely not."

"Well, we also have a few beers left in the fridge."

"You guys have more beer in there than actual food."

"Don't judge us. Do you want the beer or not?" Haechan held his hands out to emphasize his question. "If the power stays out for much longer, it will start warming up. And warm beer is a no-go."

[y/n] sighed heavily, both her hands on her hips. She blew her hair out of her face before plopping onto the couch.

"Bring the beers."

"Perfect."

 

Haechan walked to the kitchen, his movements stiffer than usual. He absolutely hated being like this. Now that he was a bit older and a bit more rational, it seemed like a stupid idea to get drunk just to gain courage to speak to her openly. He thought he'd gotten over that awkward phase where he didn't know better - THEY didn't know better.

Yet here he was, taking out two more cans of beer, hoping for the best.

"I've been meaning to ask you something," [y/n] said after chugging the entire can of beer, sitting on the couch with her knees pulled up to her chest.

"What is it?" Haechan let out, taking a sip of his drink. This wasn't good. Oh boy. Oh no.

"I feel like you've been avoiding me for a long time now. And I just wanna know... why?"

"Huh-" Avoiding? He furrowed his brows, turning to look at her. "What do you mean?"

"I- well." She rubbed her eyes, seeming tired, drunk, and... something else. Something deeper than all that. "This has been going on for a while, but I never got the chance to ask you about it, I guess."

"Well, here's your chance. Spill."

Now he was really curious about what she had to say. Curious, and also very, very anxious.

 

"Ever since that party. Back in high school. Do you remember?" [y/n] stared down at her feet, covered by a pair of blue fuzzy socks. "When we..."

"Kissed," Haechan murmured, his hands suddenly feeling warm, even while wrapped around the cold can of beer. "Yes, I remember."

"Oh."

"Right. What about it?"

[y/n] fell silent. Haechan immediately felt as if he'd just fucked over his entire life with the help of one single sentence.

"See? This is what I mean," she continued after some time, absently playing with her empty can. "Whenever I try to talk to you about personal things, you just... grow... cold."

He said nothing. So, she kept going.

"And it makes me feel like I messed up big time back then. Like I ruined everything between us. Things were never the same, and I wondered if it was my fault. I still wonder that sometimes, more often than I'd like to.

"So tell me, is it my fault? Do you hate me?"

"[y/n], what the Hell, no-"

"Then why have you been avoiding me? Up until now, at least? I think I deserve to know."

 

Haechan found himself at a loss for words. Did she really think that he hated her? That he had something against her? He'd never even realized that he'd begun acting cold or different towards her ever since that night.

Now that he thought about it, maybe she was right. He tended to lose himself really easily around the people he liked, but [y/n] wasn't just 'anyone', now, was she? He should've known better, should've had more self control. But back then, he sported the brain capacity of a single frozen pea.

God, he was a fool. An idiot. An absolute shithead. How had he not noticed?

"Please, Hyuck, say something, or I'll throw up all over your coffee table."

"What in the fresh Hell."

"I'm kidding, but hey, at least I got you to talk."

"..."

"No, but really. I know, I fucked up, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kissed you, but why did you have to switch up on me like that?" She was definitely rambling now. "I was drunk- we were drunk, okay? Teens are stupid, I get it, we do dumb shit, but I really thought-"

"Look, stop right there. Don't say that."

"Don't say what?"

"That you shouldn't have kissed me."

 

It was [y/n]'s turn to be confused. She tilted her head to look at him, the lower part of her face hidden by her arm, while her eyes fixed him from over her shoulder. Still, he could see the conflicted expression she gave off, almost palpable in the thickening atmosphere.

"Because, to be honest, that night was the best night of my life, well, so far. And I'm not even exaggerating."

"Wha-"

"Yeah."

Her confusion only seemed to deepen due to his remark.

"...I don't get you," she started, throwing her arms up in frustration. "You literally act like you're married to Mark sometimes, but with me - you refused to look me in the eye for two weeks after that night."

"I'm bad at expressing my feelings, I guess."

"It really doesn't seem like that from the outside. And I'm pretty sure your ex girlfriends would argue about it, too."

 

Haechan paused, staring at the space between them for a few drawn out moments. "I never realized. I'm sorry."

[y/n] flung the empty beer can onto the floor. She then buried her face in the sleeves of the faded Star Wars shirt he'd given her, a weak, muffled sigh leaving her lips. It tugged at his heartstrings, unsure of what he should say, of what he should do.

"It's been YEARS, Donghyuck."

"I know."

"I've had to live like this for YEARS. Thinking that I fucked up. Thinking that you hated me or something."

"To be honest, I felt the same," he finally confessed, finishing off his beer and trying to crop up a suitable response to the situation. "I genuinely thought that I'd ruined our friendship. That's why I avoided you - I didn't know better back then, and you've no idea just how many nights I stayed up thinking about what I could've done or said to clean up the mess I've made."

 

She said nothing. He felt fear flare up in his stomach. He almost couldn't believe that this was happening - they were really talking about it, face to face, tipsy but very much lucid.

"Donghyuck."

"What?"

 

[y/n] tilted her head towards Haechan. Her eyes were clear, surprisingly so, deep as an ocean threatening to swallow him whole. The warm light of the candles fell upon her face in a way they hadn't before, or maybe it just seemed different now as she looked at him. For once, he didn't feel the urge to look away and hide himself. No; it was a strangely liberating feeling, a feeling long overdue.

And now, even if her gaze was strong, her voice wavered as she spoke.

 

“...You’re a fucking idiot.”

 

Donghyuck scoffed, already preparing to snap right back at her, except he had no time left to do so.

Any words that could’ve left his mouth were swallowed away, quickly forgotten, when [y/n] lunged at him in a flurry of warmth and eager lips searching for his.

She crashed against him, his arms immediately wrapping around her torso and, for a while, everything was perfectly still.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hee hee im bac  
> this draft has been lying in my documents for Thirty Years and only recently i've decided to Refine it and actually post. so there's that.  
> sorry for literally never posting/updating. i've been having a hard time with my writing lately. nothing seems to come out right, nothing seems good enough. not Doing Great tbh!
> 
> but yea. thanks for checking in (the e-mails i keep getting from ao3 played a part in making me feel guilty about Not Writing so-) and, thanks for reading?? genuinely?? this seems like a mess to me. im thankful for all you guys reading this. hope the upcoming holidays will treat u all nicely. 
> 
> thank you, again. <3


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